wanted
It was a regular morning just like any other. Leon woke up made coffee and got dressed. He got into his car and drove to his job. He got to his job and his boss was waiting with an assignment. His assignment was Andy Miller. He got his briefcase and he was off to Andy’s house. It took Leon 10 minutes to get to the house. Andy was still asleep when Leon arrived. Leon picked lock the door and got inside. He went in watching every step he took one by one. As Leon was going up the stairs one of the steps creaked. Andy awoke fast and got his gun but it was too late Leon had his gun to Andy's head. Bang Leon emptied his clip on him. Andy was dead and Leon's job was done.
He got to his job and the office was empty. Only his boss was waiting for him. Leon went up to him and told him his assignment was done. His boss replied with a head nod and said I have a much bigger job and I have to send the best which is you agent. What's the assignment Leon asked. The President of the united states he replied. It will be done Leon said.
The President was having a speech that very day so it was perfect. Leon got his sniper rifle and went off. He stopped a mile off at a building and set up his rifle. He aimed his gun at the president and right before he could shoot he heard someone say freeze he turned around and there was a police officer with his gun aimed at him. Leon said its ok im the President bodyguard. The officer believed him and left. Leon turned around and aimed back at the president and bang the President was dead. The Officer who saw Leon said what happened. The officer was arrested because he didn't take Leon in. Leon is still out there hiding still wanted.
1. The conflict in this story is that Leon is still out there killing people as an assassin, he killed the president of the United States and didn't get caught for it.
ReplyDelete2.The main character was Leon, he didn't have an antagonist. The main character is assigned as an assassin.
3. My favorite part of the story was when Leon already had the gun pointed to Andy's head.
4.This tales best quality was when it ended.
5. The story's theme was that you shouldn't always believe people with a sniper aiming at the president.
6. I dont want to be a terrible person here but i believe this whole thing just needs more detail and more words and just more of everything in this story.
1 the conflict of the story is that Leon is a hit man and he kills people as a job and one job is to kill the president
ReplyDelete2 the main character don sent have an antagonist yet
3 my favorite part of the story is the al out feel
4 the best quality was the type of story
5 the theme for me was trust in the weapon and always be alert
6 great storyjust keep on trucking
Hi Mark! You have done a wonderful job of packing lots of action and suspense into such a short story. My favorite part by far was when Leon was almost caught by the Secret Service officer; I thought for sure he was going to jail yet he managed to trick the officer! That is a great plot device on your part as the author.
ReplyDeleteI would really like to know more about Leon as a character. Is he a villain that we as readers should dislike? Is he a good guy with a tough job? What are some of his characteristics (brave, caring, cold). Filling in some of these details for your reader will make your story a lot stronger.
You could also help your readers by adding small details all throughout your story. As you edit and revise, stop and think of places where you can show your readers what your setting looks like or where you can add more dialogue. These kind of additions help your reader see what you see as the author.
the conflict of the story was Leon being an assassin. The conflict is internal. When he killed the president, He doesn't want to do the job anymore
ReplyDelete